You've got to live life to write a book about it.- Andy Williams 

I was talking to a friend of mines at work about EVERYTHING………

Then our conversation drifted into something else >>drinks<<

[let me just say I was very excited to be able to engage in a conversation like this because for once I had a story to tell. She was the listener and I was the narrator.]

I went to a gathering at friend house and normally I don’t even drink at all, but this time was different……..

I was challenged because there was the “peer pressure”

Not a bad kind of peer pressure, but the peer pressure when everybody around you doubts you kind of thing and you feel like you’re put on a petal stool.

I took a shot…..Sex on the beach to be exact

Then I had 151 rum coke mixed with Cocoa Cola

Now because I was being “babied” and treated like I couldn’t handle the alcohol

I drunk my cup and then sip on another cup that had more alcohol than Cola

I was buzzed half way through my first cup, but I got another drink

Then took another shot…

I was turnt then……

I remember feeling like my alter ego Rocky [the other side of me]

Raquel was GONE!!!!!!!

I actually like the feeling I felt GOOD for the first time in my life.

Nothing else really mattered

I found myself laughing at things that wasn’t even funny

And playing the card game and was drunk as ever

Remind you I didn’t eat before I got drunk because I didn’t plan on drinking

I ran to the bathroom, but more like stumbled because I couldn’t find the strength to get up and walk.

Of course we all know what happened next…

HE came in to check on me to make sure I was doing okay and helped me get up.

BUT I remember being right back in the bathroom again this time sleep with my head in the toilet.

No one knew I was even in there hell I didn’t even know 
I just knew I was feeling GREAT.

I remember taking my bandana off and HE was pretending like he was Tupac, but I don’t remember stumbling to the bathroom.

[let’s be real here we all know I wasn't walking like it was all good]

For the first time in my life I felt alive, great, free, and better yet I felt officially 21!

2 WEEKS LATER…….

I made plans with a select few at work to hang out and drink just having fun.

I loved the way I felt 2 weeks ago so I was thinking shit let’s do it again and that I did.

I was having a real bad day at work so I knew that this gathering was going to be legit.

I honestly didn’t plan on going or being drunk again because I wasn’t in the mood and I already was having a BAD DAY.

There was this urge inside of me that wanted to drink and erase what kind of day I had.

I found myself being that person who needed to drink to erase the bad memories for the moment.

This time I ate a sub from 7 Eleven to prepare myself just in case I sipped on something.

When I got there I was ready to go, but everybody knew I wasn’t trying to drink like that because I had to drive.

I sipped on a few glasses of wine

[Mascato if I’m not mistaken]

There it was the buzz I was yearning to feel again.

I was light headed and I felt great.

I didn't feel like I felt 2 weeks before, but I felt the buzz and that was all I needed to erase the problems.

I had a great time and I found myself walking through the door at four o'clock the next morning.

I dranked that night to forget and I damn sure did just that.

For the second time in my life I felt alive, great, free, and better yet I felt officially 21! 

NO ONE SAID I HAD TO TRY EVERYTHING……

There I was being peer pressured again, but this time I wasn’t going out like no sucka no matter what the outcome was…..

I hang around smokers a lot, but I never puffed whenever somebody mistakenly passed it off to me until……

I was peer pressured and like I said before it wasn’t a bad peer pressure, but when somebody around you telling you continuously you’re not going to do it

Hell why not, you only live once right?

I had a hard time trying to inhale through the pipe.

It was extremely HARD!!!!!

I had someone try to suck in the smoke to the top of the pipe and I took it all in like a G.

I inhaled it and then I was coughing….

I coughed at least 15 times until someone said I was going to be high as a bitch.

The thing is I knew I was going to be high, but I didn’t want to be high.

I knew I was high when my head started spinning and everything was a blur.

I saw everybody twice and I felt light headed in a good way, but I didn’t like the way I felt.

I was talking stupid shit, and I would think to myself “Why did I just say that?”

I tried to tell myself, “Rocky just stop talking!”

But I couldn’t stop talking stupid shit.

I didn’t even know I was going to a cook out/birthday party with a bunch of military folks.

I was super embarrassed because I knew I looked high.

My eyes was low as a bitch.

I was even inside the house with shades on still.

INSIDE THE HOUSE!!!!!!!!!
When they offered us food I ate EVERYTHING!!!!!!

But it was so good and I remember eating, but not being full so I kept eating.

Everything was super bright to me and I felt like a vampire like I could hear people everywhere even outside.  

I just wanted to escape and get away.

I prayed to GOD so hard

And asked to remove my high and I promise I would never be high again

I remember thinking to myself first impressions are everything so those people that met me the first time are going to remember me as “Oh, that’s the light skin girl that came to the party that was high.”

I never prayed so hard in my life.

I just wanted this to be over immediately.

I felt the same way I felt when I was drunk, but the difference was I didn’t feel alive or great.

I felt trapped, awkward, and different.

That was just a feeling I didn’t enjoy.

I don’t like being or looking high.

Being free and alive is something I yearned for since I was 18.

I never felt like I was having fun or living the life I wanted to live.

No one wants to be boring all the time.

Ever since I walked away from last relationship I began to live a little and I don’t want to turn back.

[Thanks to that special someone who has helped me live a little and try new things]
I began to let this out and I feel great.

I want to be and feel 21 while I’m young.

I don’t want to go back to the sucky person I was

I want to be me!!!!

I want to officially be ME!!!!!!